My own personal bitchfest.

You’re never supposed to see your best friend in a casket, when you’re in your 20s, much less someone so close they were considered part of the family, my other sister…..I’m not angry, but I’m just sad. 5 years to live because of some rare stupid disease. It’s not a for sure thing, but it sure hurts a lot. It hurts so bad because I’m feeling the pain around me including my own. You have to be in my wedding, you have to be there to see me have kids some day so they can call you Aunt as if you were by blood. Why do all the good ones get taken away so young? I wish I were there to hug her. I can’t even put this into words. I want her to have love and feel love, I want to be there when she gets married and has kids someday. I want to see her grow and I feel like I never knew her long enough. Everything seems so minute compared this….My heart goes out to her and I do hope to see her soon. I thought writing about it would help, but the truth is, I don’t even know what to say.

I wanted to get to know you, but you stopped being on my list of priorities. It’s not high school anymore and at this point people don’t always want to be an open book, like myself I guess. Why do we have people in our lives that are only acquaintances? I wanted to get to know you, but you’re really still just an acquaintance even though I see you a lot. I guess I gave up on you and I had no drive to pry you open. I thought it was going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship, but I thought wrong. Now I just seem to have feelings of anger and hatred toward you. Why you say certain things to me about the ones I love I have no clue and for that I really hate you the most, why don’t you man up and say it out loud yourself instead of waiting for the grapevine. No, fuck you, you bitch more than any woman I’ve ever met and I hate you so much, but I still want to know you a little bit. Today I hate you and I am always told why do you hate him, you don’t hate him don’t say that, but really there are days that I hate you terribly on a whole new level of hate. Then I have days that I feel sorry for you. My days of wanting to get to know you are shortening quick and to be honest I almost can’t wait until you are out of my life and I don’t have to think about you again. You’ll never make sense to me and most of the time when you open your mouth about some bullshit I just want to give you a punch in the mouth. You’ll live life alone and angry and I’m starting to not feel sorry for you anymore…man today I hate you so much and I wish I could forget you, but I see you all the time. I don’t know why the worst people to surround my self with are always the ones that I think about or care about the most…I guess that’s part of my weakness. I just can’t surround myself with negative people anymore and you surround yourself with the most negative aura that I have EVER felt. I think the reason I might hate you so much is because you never let me in and you never gave me the chance to feel your depth, which I long for in almost everyone I get to know. Today I just hate you…but tomorrow I will probably like you.